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The Amazing Race Has Begun!

Within the past two months, this is all I’ve been hearing.

“So and so is getting married..”

“Did you hear so and so got married?”

“Hey, come to my wedding okay…”

Oh.my.goodness. It has begun. That intrepid age where your friends start dropping like flies into the churches, temples, expensive hotels and cheap Chinese restaurants.

It begins with friends you’re not so close to. That outer circle. Then slowly but surely it moves and creeps up on you, and suddenly, *gasp horror* - it’s your best friends wedding. And hopefully you’re not the last one standing.

I’m such a kiasu. And yet I like the idea of being an individual. I have to say the realization of growing up has never felt more daunting. I guess sometimes people grow up on their own, sometimes it’s just because they’re pushed into it by some sort of social ‘pressure.’

Looking back on my first blog, I suppose it’s good I’ve had a fair two years to whine and go – “I want to get married!” so much so that now, I’ve come to a new epiphany that I’m actually quite happy just being.

Just being able to go out whenever I like, just being stupid whenever I want, just being able to say ‘no thanks, I feel like staying at home.’ Just not having to worry about another person.

Having said that it’s not like I’m not on the look-out. But okay, my new thing is – I’m going to enjoy the moment for what it’s worth, and when I find him, then I’ll be ready to move on to the next level. In the meantime….

Things to do before I get married:

1) Travel more in my single-state

2) Spend time with girlfriends and have great single-hood conversations

3) Go on lots of dates (but only ones which are worth spending time with)

4) Spend time with my guy friends (the older I get, the more I feel we won’t be spending as much quality time together once we’ve gotten hitched)

5) Worry less

6) Enjoy every moment

7) Live in another country.

There. Oh yes, and in the process, make out with a hot guy/s. Yum.

Gay Or Straight?

I’ve finally found my way back into the dating scene. And in my quest for that ultimate super-hero husband man, I seem to have stumbled across some ‘in-betweens.’

The campish straight man.

Really nice guy, very deep thinker, and I get a vibe that we could possibly get along on several different levels. He’s sweet, in touch with his feelings (no surprise there) and has all the extravagant hand-gestures you would expect of a gay man. His favourite colour? Pink. Everything about him leads me to believe that it’s not me that he’s interested in, but the dude at the next table. Yet, there’s talk of a second date between us.

What’s going on?

In Asia, especially Malaysia, there definitely is a sense of repression. Labels are very quickly put onto people, and if you don’t fit into the norm, you’re either gay or closet or just weird. On a recent trip to Australia, I spoke to a friend who had come out and was very happy and open about his sexual tendencies to the same sex. He pointed out, if he were back home in Asia, living under his parents roof – he’d probably end up marrying a girl just because it was the expected thing to do, and more so - so he wouldn’t cause any grief to his parents.

On the one hand with Mr In-Between, there definitely seems to be some sort of a repression built up. He gets along great with guys, but not in the same way that most men do. It’s like a bunch of little boys in a play-pen together and there’s a sense of uninhibited ness and closeness in their male-friendships. Sort of like what you would imagine girls to have. And on the other side, there seems to also be a genuine confusion and anger towards society labeling him as gay (obviously I’m not the first to think so), just because he doesn’t fall into the viewpoint of what it means to be a man in today’s world.

As I sat through dinner with him, I kept wondering “Is he genuinely straight, or is this guy just fooling himself?”

I have straight friends who are slightly effeminate, and who a lot of gay guys find attractive. But with Mr In Between, the campness is so dominant, that it had never crossed my mind for one second that there was a possibility he was even 1% straight.

He’s had girlfriends. But exactly how truly attracted he is to the female gender remains to be told. (Is he attracted to me because I’m quite a ‘strong’ unfeminine female?) It seems like he will potentially end up getting married to a woman, but would his wife always have some sort of niggling doubt that maybe her husband isn’t quite really into her? Just like the rest of society, I’m probably trying to shove him into one of my little storage cupboards in my head and label him something so that my world is organized again. Perhaps I should just celebrate him and his campness and go on that second date with him.

So who is this Mr Perfect?

As women get older, the criteria gets higher (or is it deeper?). In high-school it truly was all about who was the cutest guy. Personality didn’t quite count that much save for the fact that he had to be coool.

In the early 20s, with a bit of adolescence left over, it essentially was quite the same but with a bit more flavour. He needed to be romantic, caring, funny, and sensitive (but not pansy sensitive).

Fast-forward seven years later, and here I am in my 27^th year. Floppy soft hair and puppy dog eyes have been overridden by the need for security. Popularity has been taken over by similar values. And even romance takes back seat to the ‘can I trust him with my life and eventually kids?’ factor.

It’s funny how the world works in such odd yet perfect ways. For all the guys in school that were never given a second glance, suddenly with all their drive in work, good job to match, nice home security, and mostly- a plan in life – these guys are the ones who are in demand now.

A friend of mine was pointing this see-saw approach to the difference between the female and male gender as well recently. In high school, girls are the ones getting all the attention with the guys clambering all over them like lost puppy dogs, hoping to score with at least one chick once during their school years so they can keep their reputation. In the working world, the balance begins to shift. Guys go up in demand, women get scared that their stock is falling to the younger females, and the power of being begins to shift.

But I digress. So who is Mr Perfect? I’ve been watching a lot of Sex & The City recently. Not a very good measure for advise I know, but somehow, as I grudgingly make my way into my late 20s and early 30s, I’m somewhat comforted by the thought of four successful women who still don’t quite have all the answers. I guess the real question is, will I end up a Miranda, Carrie, Samantha or Charlotte?

Candidate One And (So Far) Only

Let’s call him Peter Pan.

He’s that quintessential boy that never grows-up.

He’s sweet, he’s trusting, and he’ll do anything to please you. He’s probably that 0.001% of the male population that you can trust to tell you the truth. BUT, and believe me, with women, there is always a but.

He's Peter Pan.

The boy that refuses to grow-up. The kid that doesn’t want to acknowledge the fact that he’s now a full-blown adult who will in all eventuality, have bills to pay, a housing loan to deal with, kids to feed, a car to pay off, and a career to grow. He’s the one that chooses those ‘Wendy-type’ of girlfriends, expecting her to push him and ‘nurture’ him in a way his mother was supposed to. The boy that makes Wendy his girlfriend, marries her, and then complains how much of an old-nag she is later on.

Well. There-in lies the dilemma. I don’t want to be Wendy. Wendy after all was just a kid herself pretending to be all grown-up. And yet, at the same time, friends tell me, how often do you come across a guy you can truly trust? Is it that bad? Are men that un-trustable that it’s either Peter Pan or.. Captain Hook?

Sheesh.

Anyhoo, as the story goes, me and Peter Pan are taking a break. After four years of working and living together, and being unable to make a real commitment, I think it’s time for some serious deliberation.

Why such a blog.

I've been quite fascinated with the idea of blogging for awhile now. I just wasn't quite sure what to say.

And then tonight, I came home from a hard months of work.

Not even 1/2 an hour into my evening of relaxation and down-time, does my mother come up to me and ask me - "So, are you going to marry him? If you aren't going to marry him, what are you doing with him for so long? Why don't you want to marry him? You're not getting any younger you know..." and so on and so forth.

And so probably in pure frustration and confusion, my blog is born.

Dear world, What's up with this marriage thing? Why do women (especially Asian women) come with a use-by date of 29 years of age give or take a wrinkle or two.

I'm 25 years old this year. I've done the calculations. My friends are starting to remind me. I have two years to find the man of my dreams.

One year to go out with him and make sure he is in actual fact 'the man of my dreams'. And another lee-way year just in case I want to bail. Or he does.

Ofcourse if that happens i'm pretty much screwed. I'll be defined as 'put-on-the-shelf,' 'old maid,' 'lesbian' and God-forbid- the worst of the lot 'Aun-ty.'

So, here marks my quest to find 'The Man'. I know it's trivial. What about world peace, what about famine, what about poverty, you ask? Sure all those matter. But I guess what fun would solving the worlds problems be if we didn't have someone to share them with.

Okay that's the corniest thing I'm ever going to say. Promise.